Whatever Happened to all those Gundam Pilots?
by Ariacan Phoenix
Summary: A quick fanfic with what really happened to our favorite characters after the war! Enjoy!


All disclaimers apply here, y'all. Tell me of what you think of it. This list is done by me,   
so I ain't screwing with anybody's work!  
  
  
  
  
  
Whatever Happened to All Those Gundam Wing Pilots?  
  
Heero:  
  
Became a happy optimist for the stock market. (It was later reported that  
he became a heavy drinker and drug addict, then came clean as a comedian.   
Heero changed his name and worked on a sit-com T.V. show. We all know him today as   
David Spade.)  
  
Duo:  
  
Became quiet all of a sudden and is now currently working as a mime in the  
streets of New York. (Has tried being a pimp during 1989-94, but was unsuccessful   
when men looking for sex found out that Duo was really a man and not a woman.)   
  
Trowa:  
  
Has been a nice display and tourist attraction in Florida as he possesed the 8th wonder   
of the world. (And to this day scientists are still baffled as to how his hair stands up   
like that. They have since dubbed this hair condition the 'Trowa Barton Phenomenon'. Some   
speculate that this gave rise to the movie 'Phenomenon' and colonists demanded Hollywood to put  
Trowa in it as the main star. Unfortunately, the part was already given to John Travolta.)  
  
Quatre:  
  
Became the leader of an international terrorist group known as the 'Pink Panthers'.  
He was last seen at a Gay Rights march in Washington D.C. after being shot by the National  
Guard.  
  
Wufei:  
  
Opened up a martial arts studio that quickly folded after three girls filed a lawsuit  
against him. It was reported that he fondled them during training and is appearing in court   
in late September. (We interviewed him while he was in his prision cell, and he said that the   
National Women's Rights board has also been another pain in his ass for him calling women   
weak and unable to fight.)  
  
Relena:  
  
Involved in an underground pornography ring. Has also guest starred in Star Wars as the  
Princess Leia.  
  
Zechs:  
  
Turned into a 70's freak and has disappeared into the country with three other people in  
a stolen Mystery Machine van. Is also wanted for the possession and sale of psychedellic drugs   
and stolen Cheetos.  
  
Hilde:  
  
Backup guitarist for Korn and Metallica.   
  
Sally Po:  
  
Drafted into the Vietnam war and was never seen again.  
  
Noin:  
  
(See Zechs)   
  
Lady Une:  
  
Followed Zechs in his 'Road Trip', but later left with Trieze. Two weeks later, their bodies  
were found in a ditch just outside Las Vegas and stripped of their clothes and money. Witnessess  
later recall that Treize played Poker one night and that he really sucked at it. After leaving   
the casino, one witness clamied to have seen an aggravated Jigglypuff follow the two of them,  
carrying a gun, a black marker, and a money bag.   
  
Trieze:   
  
Lived in Las Vegas alone until Lady Une came. Both went gambling and lost over $10,000 to   
a fluffy and aggravated Jigglypuff. Locals recalled him and Une heavily drinking that night he  
disappeared. (Update: the killer Jigglypuff is now in state police custody and is facing   
2nd degree murder charges, a 20-lifetime sentence, and is not being held on bond.)  
  
Howard:  
  
Was playing the British soldier in 'The Last of the Mochicans' until he found out that his   
character gets burned at the stake and quit, saying that he feared the fire would spread and   
burn off his remaining hair.   
  
Kanz:  
  
Lost on the Gilligan's Island.   
  
Dorthy:  
  
Was confused with Cousin It and shaved off all of her hair, including her eyebrows. Last  
seen in a biker bar wearing ruby red shoes and chanting, "There's no place like home. There's   
no place like home."  
  
Catherine:  
  
Stabbed to death.  
  
Circus manager:  
  
Eaten by a circus lion.  
  
Dr. J:  
  
Now works for free coffee and doughnuts at your local Dunkin' Doughnuts store.  
  
The other four Gundam Engineers:  
  
Also involved with Relena in an underground pornography ring. They also pose for porno   
pictures in exchange for free coffee and doughnuts.  
  
Talgeese suit:  
  
Shot down by a hunter. It never saw the duck blind.  
  
Shenlong Gundam:  
  
Now a stunt double for the Eternal Dragon in the Dragonball series.  
  
Deathscythe Gundam:  
  
Was arrested for imitating Batman, then later suffered through a tough depression and   
drank truckloads of beer. (Note: It was every man for himself when Deathscythe's bladder blew.)   
Presently is residing with his girlfriend, a womanly Taurus mobile suit, that is three   
months pregnant with their son, Deathscythe the II.  
  
Heavyarms Gundam:  
  
Won the State Arm Wrestling Championships back in '86. Became a professional wrestler, but  
died after falling off a tall platform. Some speculate that Wing Zero pushed him to his death  
with the help of Epiyon. (Update: Supportive evidence and witness accounts has turned up that   
he was indeed murdered as reported by a later autotopsy. His family still mourns the loss of   
their beloved Heavyarms.)  
  
Sandrock Gundam:  
  
Heavyarm's lover, committed suicide in despair. His body was turned into a chain link   
fence used in a recent Limp Bizkit 'Back to Basics' concert in Detroit.   
  
Wing Gundam:  
  
Is now a nice Boeing Jet for the 'Pink Panthers' terrorist group.  
  
Wing Zero:  
  
Worked for the National Guard and shot Quatre while at a Gay Rights march. Was later   
dismissed from duty, lived with Epiyon as his lover, and both disappeared for five years.   
He was later found, tried, and convicted of murder of the first degree and sentenced to   
do a lifetime of community service as a candy striper.  
  
Epiyon:  
  
Sold himself to the Universal Studios: Islands of Adventure, now works as the Dueling  
Dragons roller coaster to avoid being arrested, and is working for his lover's bail money.   
  
Mercurious and Ve-8:  
  
Currently working as models for the Playrobot magazine. Coming soon: the Very Naughty  
Issue! of Playrobot magazine, due out in stores late June.  
  
  
That's all I've thought of for now. E-mail me if you have any ideas for this list (I will give you  
full credit with name and/or e-mail adress,or know that I missed someone. Thanx! -Ariacan Phoenix. 


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